Another season of Shameless has come to an end, which means it’s time to have some fun with the Gallaghers and friends. I present you with Shameless season seven superlatives (say that five times fast).
Most Likely to Succeed: Fiona Gallagher
Fiona was a machine this season. She had goals and was going to do whatever it took to reach them. It was interesting to see the Gallaghers’ matriarch take a step back from the family in order to focus on herself and determine what she wanted out of life. Fiona has always been an incredibly hard worker, but she has often been distracted by her family, men or poor choices. I loved seeing her come into her own in season seven.
Not only was Fiona a creative powerhouse in her rejuvenation of Patsy’s (fancy grilled cheese and Speakeasy’s anyone?) but she also went totally ‘sisters-doin’-it-for-themselves’ in her acquisition of the Laundromat. I thought it was an awful idea, but evidently Fi is a way better businessperson than I am. It worked out wonderfully and she doubled her money in just a short period of time.
After purchasing a car, she decided to buy an apartment building after sleeping with a guy in said building. Now, this may seem like too much, too soon, but Fiona has proven that she has a shrewd business sense. Get it, girl.
Least Likely to Succeed: Lip Gallagher
Well, this one kills me. Actually, Lip kills me. He makes me want to slam my head against a brick wall in frustration. Why, Lip, why?
Lip has an abundance of potential that he is pissing away in a very similar fashion to his father before him. I can’t even write anything else about him right now, except for that I hope he gets his ass together. He seems to be trying to step back on the right path. Let’s do this, Lip.
Best Teacher: Professor Youens
This man is a gem. He looks out for Lip and wants what’s best for him. He may be a little bit of a mess, but aren’t we all. He’s devoted and I love that.
Best Influence: Sierra
I’ve been feeling Sierra from the jump. She’s a single mom who puts her kid first, has high expectations for the men in her life and is dependable. I dig.
Most Improved: Carl Gallagher
Carl is the man. Seriously, when did this happen? I think we can attribute his big change to the awful situation with Nick as well as Luther’s care and guidance. Either way, I’m so proud of him. I love that he went to military school. It’s kind of bizarre that Carl may be the Gallagher that has it the most together at this point, but I’m feeling it.
Worst Girlfriend: Dominique Winslow
Carl went ahead and got himself snipped so that he could meet Dominique’s preferences. Who says romance is dead? She repaid him by giving him an STI, which she picked up by screwing some college guy. I’m so glad Carl took that bike back.
Most Likely to Never Ever Change: Frank Gallagher
What can I say about Frank that hasn’t already been said? Nothing. I can’t say anything. The bottom line is you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, especially when said dog is passed out drunk and smells like piss.
Lifetime Achievement at Being Awful: Monica Jean Gallagher
R.I.P Moni. I, for one, will miss you.
Most Likely to be the Love of my Life: Etta
Etta is the best. She’s spunky, fun, and everything I look for in a grandmom. I really hope that Fiona told Ian to ask Mickey about her VCR between all their tongue-filled kisses. Etta deserves to watch her programs in peace.
Best Bitch Fit: Debbie Gallagher
Let’s be honest, this award always goes to Debs. Whether she is being totally melodramatic towards all things Fiona or getting into a brawl with a homeless woman, Debs knows how to bring the attitude.
Biggest Truth Teller: Neil
When Neil told Fiona that her ass made up for her small tits, he really touched my heart. Bless his damaged brain.
Most Indecisive: Ian Gallagher
I know we are meant to believe that Ian Gallagher is getting his life together, but it is not lost on me that dude is a complete mess. Season seven started out with Ian discovering Caleb was a cheating bastard, who claimed that he was not in fact a cheating bastard because he slept with a woman and that doesn’t count. Instead of side-eyeing the shit out of that faulty cheaters’ logic, Ian decided that he should give hetero sex a try. Outcome: He is 100% gay and did not like it.
When Ian met Trevor he was pretty sure that they should just be friends. Trevor disagreed and told Ian persistently that they should bang, so bang they did – though they had logistical issues because they were both tops. Though he wasn’t so into the idea, Ian gave bottoming a try. Experimentation is wonderful, but liking what you like don’t make you a bitch, Ian Gallagher. Don’t forget that.
Remember when Ian ran off to Mexico with the love of his life? Me too. He was all in to ride with Mickey, until he wasn’t. You make my head spin, man. I can’t keep up.
Biggest Activist: Trevor
Viewers may not know his last name, or very much about him at all, but they learned more about the LGBTQ+ community and that’s nice. Education is cool, y’all.
Most Likely to Tell it Like it is: My Girl Sue
Sue is goals. She’s a total badass, but nurturing at the same time. She speaks her mind and actually listens when Ian speaks his, which is a breath of fresh air. It’s a beautiful departure from the Gallaghers who often fail notice when Ian is gone. Sue really gives a shit and for that I am grateful.
Most Deserving of a Happy Ending: Mickey Milkovich
I’m not talking at a massage parlor, I’m talking in life. Mikhailo has been put through it. I’m glad that he doesn’t have to endure any more brutal Chicago winters, but I’m pretty sure he would sit his bare ass in the snow if it meant being with Ian. That’s love.
Best Mexican Banger Hitman Motherfucker: Damon
He likes to get high off his ass and eat Cheetos. Damon is all of us, only cooler.
Cutest Couple: Gallavich
Duh. Ian and Mickey end all other couples. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Best Friends: Fiona Gallagher and Veronica Fisher
Thank the lord they made up. Can I get an amen?
Class Clown: Kevin Ball
Kev is the personification of a smile. Though he has always had some of the funniest lines in Shameless, Kev really came with some doozies this season. As a mother of twins, his conversation with Ian about needing more adult time spoke to my soul. When it comes down to it, you just want to teach your kids the important lessons, like “It’s moo, motherfucker. It’s moo.”
Whether he is letting it all hang out at the Fairy Tail, talking through his feelings in thrupple’s therapy, or proving that he is actually pretty damn smart, Kev is the man.
Best Smile: Veronica Fisher
Though she didn’t have a lot to smile about towards the end of season seven, she still lit up the screen every time she broke into her signature grin. With a funny husband like Kev, we’re sure we will see lots more Veronica smiles in season eight.
Most Likely to Steal Your Heart and Then Your Bar: Svetlana Fisher
Svetlana is savage. She foreshadowed the hell out of the end of the season when she gave Debs the “Be the Storm” speech. When it comes down to it, Svetlana is out for herself. You can’t necessarily blame her, being that her circumstances have always forced her to be tough. Do you, Svet. You’ll always be my girl.
Best Dressed: Everyone
Costume Designer Lyn Paolo slays. I’m obsessed with all of the combat boots, flannels, and tie-up tops. Thank you for a better version of the 90’s, Lyn.
Most Likely to Get Away with Attempted Murder: Ian, Caleb, Carl, Debs, Kev, V, & Svetlana
Remember at the end of season six when they pushed Frank off the bridge into the freezing cold lake below? Their betrayal caused Frank to go out and get a new family in season seven, which subsequently killed his story-line for the first half of the season. Brutal.
What superlatives would you give to this motley crew? Sound off below!